Everything Is Going To Be Okay.

I'm not sure what exactly prompted me to post today, six months after my last post.

I love how my mind can rewind and then fast forward through the events leading up to where I'm sitting right now.

I miss reflecting.

I miss writing down what I think is a meaningless series of thoughts, and somehow one or many of you pick out what resonates with you.

Life moves too quickly. 

I never thought it moved slowly.

I never wished it would. 

There's no way to completely capture a moment in time...but I think the closest thing to doing so is writing about it so you don't forget. 

Do you ever feel sad imagining that our memories are no longer as precious to us?

We take pictures of each smile, blog each word, and store our histories in gigabytes and databases.

To think there was a time when we only had our memories to rely on to derive happiness from those moments.

Do our existences become less meaningful each time they are replicated?

Do we lose a piece of that memory each time we blast it into the virtual universe?

We will be the last people alive to ever know what our world was like before the Internet. 

We're past the point of no return...and it makes me wonder what type of people the children from this generation will become.

Reliant on technology in lieu of communication, information available at their fingertips with one device...on a constant interlocked network with all their friends and family without ever having to speak to them.

Victims of instant gratification.

The future is scary. 

Want an update?

I didn't look through my last (3) posts from a few months ago, so I'm not exactly sure where to begin.

Pictures, of course, but there aren't many. 

I don't exactly know where to begin.

Interesting.

I just realized it's almost been exactly one year since Tony & I separated. 

My life has turned completely upside down.

I knew it would, but I wasn't sure what to expect. 

I had no bloody idea where I would be today. 

And sitting here, thinking about me then, knowing me now....nothing could have prepared me for the shitstorm that has been my life these twelve months. 

NOTHING.

But how can anyone really be prepared?

There is no handbook in this crazy beautiful life.

Sometimes I wish there was.

I would flip back to the Index and try to find, "August 2012".

Or "What To Do When You Don't Know What To Do".

Or "Fucking SHIT. Am I Doing This Wrong?".

Or "When You Want To Give Up, Do This First".

Nope.

Sass is on her own.

And figuring out how to do this shit one day at a time.

Some days I hate me.

Some days I want to keep running, I'm good at that.

Some days I want to throw up my hands and then not because vomiting is gross and I like my hands.

Some days I take a deep breath and whisper "I hope this is the right thing to do".

But most days?

I get my Sass on and just. keep. going.

Because giving up is for pussies and just because I have one doesn't mean I have to be one. 

Yeah?

Yeah.

So, this update. 

I can't give details.

Mostly because it would take too long.

But also because reliving some times would break my heart all over again, and I think it might just be starting to heal. 

Time doesn't heal some wounds.

I think some of this pain will always ache inside of me.

To my core.

And if I let it, it will consume me.

Drown me.

Suffocate me until I bleed dry.

Not today, darkness.

Not tofuckingday.

The short version:

I went to rehab that isn't the cool pool in Vegas.

I rescued a Bandit.

I made forever friends.

Sarah moved to San Diego.

I moved back home.

I quit my job.

I moved to Dallas.

Moving away doesn't solve anything either, by the way.

You can't outrun your ghosts.

I will fake it until I make it, and I've gotta be getting close.

And here I am. 

Sarah & I are working on getting me out West as soon as possible. 

If I've learned anything I can share with you, it's this:

The only way I ever feel okay?

Laughter.

Life is funny.

You just have to know where to look for the bright places.

They are there.

They may be small, and sometimes impossible to find, but there will always be something that makes me laugh.

And the most important thing?

Everything is going to be okay.